World AIDS Day 2009

By the time you will be reading this it will be World AIDS day somewhere in the world. Why is this day so important? Because despite education, prevention and outreach a lot of people in the world still look at this as a "Gay" disease. A scourge sent from G-d. Something that surely won't touch them. The fact of the matter is AIDS is on the rise in a lot of different populations and particularly heterosexual non-drug users. For some reason people are still able to delude themselves into thinking a healthy looking person cannot possibly be carrying this disease.

There is a lot that can be written here about AIDS, but I am not going to do that, there are so many good sites you can visit that have more research and time put into it than I do. You can start HERE and HERE. The second suggested blog I particularly like. Sharing stories is an important part of any learning. Stories make things real for us.

Serving is another important part. If you have never taken the opportunity, it is easy to find people (unfortunately) who are in need of compassionate service. Our help on anyone's journey is always crucial. To find service centers in your area check area hospitals and their hospice programs.

Get involved. Stay involved. Reach out to the younger generation. They always are of the most concern as they never see that anything bad can happen to them, which indeed is one of our biggest concerns, this ideal that "there will be a cure before I have to worry about it." There indeed may be, but why mess with lives?

If you find yourself with questions, ask them, do not be afraid. Doctors, Counselors, Educators and indeed probably the best source, sufferers have them, back to stories again.

Friday Therapudic Movie Pick-Conversations With Other Women

It's a thought, fantasy, daydream most of us have. The "what if." What if I had chased after her instead of letting her go? What if I had been better at letting things go?

This movie takes us into the heart of what ifs with a couple who are set in a position to explore them. However it also asks the questions, would I? Should I? Dare I? Who would be hurt? Should I care?

It is an honest portrait of what may be when old love gives into the fantasies of the past. What is most beautiful is the writer and director answer none of these emotional questions but leave it to the viewer to ask themselves.

A good conversation point for those hanging on to old flames, old lives.

Staying grounded as a therapist

As a therapist who has is hand in many projects, wears many hats and being actively involved in his family and marriage it has been a struggle at times to remain balanced. As we know in our practice it life events and stressors can through you curve ball after curve ball. Some of those I might add are difficult to duck out of the way of and as a result you end up with a black eye or some memory loss (if you know what I'm saying). Over the past several years I've been wrestling with how to manage all that is on my plate. Through trial and error I've discovered what has worked and what has not worked. The ones that haven't worked seen to stand out more than others. For good reason. They were painful. Emotional pain is a great reminder of what not to do again. It stamps that memory in our brains very well. But I'd like to share some thoughts and actions that help to keep me balanced and help me to be a better therapist.

First and foremost I find it important to know your priorities in life. You know, the big ones. The ones that matter. The ones that you may take with you for all eternity. And for me it is my family. Having 5 kids with an amazing wife is a top priority for me. This is what takes precedent for me. I will drop everything else to see to the needs of my family. This includes my relationship with my wife. You know, your companion that you will be with once all of your kids are gone.

Next is my spirituality. I'm keeping it this broad because every one's spirituality is unique to their own belief system. Mine just happens to be intertwined with my family. My spiritual practice provides me a scaffolding for who I am as a person and how how I live my life. I work very hard to live my religion daily no matter how difficult it may be at times. Let me make it clear that I am not perfect. My spiritual progression is most definitely a process. With ups and downs, clarity and confusion and sometimes all of that at once.

Another important factor in maintaining balance for me is my connection to my place on this Earth and in this universe. I've had the opportunity to have been raised in both the city and out in "the sticks". I've enjoyed both and both have their advantages. However, it was my experience in the wilderness that has had one of the most profound influence in my life in keeping me connected to the "life force". It humbles you to be out in the wilderness. It becomes abundantly clear, rather quickly, that you are vulnerable and that there are bigger forces at play in your life compared to paying your mortgage or acing a test. If you are not paying attention to the subtle and not so subtle cues around you you may be in big trouble. Like life ending trouble. Being out in the wilderness forces you to be mindful of your need to survive. This just happens to heighten all of your senses. Your hearing, sight, tactile and old factory systems kick into overdrive. You will find that being in the "grind" of the every day "have tos" of societal life stand in stark contrast to what your senses are doing when you are out of that element and in the wild. In addition, when you are out in the sticks, alone, you are with yourself. It's you and your thoughts and feelings. A person can do some deep and significant personal work when you are alone in the elements. The B.S. I tend to give myself seems to subside and the self talk gets real when I'm out there.

I don't think that a simple day hike will do it. I recommend a weekend if possible. That way you get the other aspect of this experience that is important as well. Star Gazing. When you are away from the light pollution that is a consequence of city life you become aware of your place in the universe. Yes you may feel small and insignificant but don't let that stick. Keep in mind that there is a bigger picture here. We are living on a pail blue dot in the universe. A unique and special place that has afforded the magic of life. A sacred existence. And you have a place in it. You have a purpose in it. When I contemplate this it reinforces the incredible significance of my work with others on this planet. What a feeling! Looking up at the cosmos has the added benefit of slowing me down. And when I slow down I see more, hear more, feel more and experience more. The multitudes of distractions that living life in our society provides are minimized.

These are some of the things that I feel make me a better therapist when I bring them back with me to my practice and integrate them into my being. Don't under estimate the power and effect of the use of your self and its impact on the clients you work with. It's not all about techniques and book knowledge. Silence, presence and feeling are equally, if not more important than techniques and book knowledge when it comes to your practice. So take some time. Prepare for a mindful experience out in our great outdoors every so often. You may be surprised what you discover.

The Charter For Compassion

After many months preparing the Charter For Compassion had their launch date yesterday. Comprised of many people from different walks of faith, backgrounds and socioeconomic groups this is an orgainization whose time has come and recognizes that change is essential. Too much that is not of good is allowed to run roughshod in the world. Get involved.

Nourishing Love

Right Mindfulness (chapter 11)

The third miracle of mindfulness is to nurture the object of your attention. When was the last time you looked into the eyes of your beloved and asked "Who are you my darling?"

Don't be satisfied by a superficial answer, ask again, "Who are you who has taken my suffering as your suffering, my happiness as your happiness, my life and death as your life and death? My love, why aren't you a dewdrop? a butterfly? a bird?"

Ask with your whole being. If you do not give the right attention to the one you love, it is a kind of killing.

When you are in the car together, if you are alone in your thoughts, assuming you already know everything about her,(him) she (he) will slowly die.

But with your mindfulness, your attention will water the wilting flower. "I know you are here beside me and it makes me very happy." With attention you will be able to discover many new and wonderful things-her(his) joys, her(his) hidden aspirations.

If you do not practice appropriate attention, how can you say you love her? (him)

(The Heart of the Buddha's Teachings-Thich Nhat Hanh)

This principle applies not only to those we love romantically but all those we love. Our Parents, Children, neighbors, co-workers. Indeed if we are very good at love it becomes a part of who we are towards everyone for isn't the goal to be a loving person reaching with charity and love towards everyone who enters our sphere of influence?

We must take the necessary time to slow down and be mindful of those we are with. Many people in today's world are wilting. Nobody wilts from necessity it is always from neglect. If we who feel pain from neglectful behavior continue to neglect even in seemingly small ways, we are contributing to pain and suffering. We become pain, which is no place that anyone wants to be.

We need not be everything to everyone at once, but one at a time as we share our lives with others, strive to be truly present in that moment. Give and what comes back will surprise you.

How Connected Do We Really Want To Be?

For a lot of us the new wave of connectivity like texting and wondrous blog spots give us a sense of what is going on in our loved ones lives. We feel in this fast paced word like we are staying on top of our loved ones; involved in their ups and downs. But how much do we really want to know and what do we do when we learn too much?

Take for example the viral semi-news-piece going around involving the long-suffering father of Elizabeth Frisinger whose father found out unexpectedly that he had financed a trip in which she lost her virginity. This is nothing new. And even though it turned out to be a complete fake, eighteen year old girls loose their virginity on their dad's dime all the time, but rarely does dad have to think about it, let alone what to do with said information. But because of the ease of text messaging some poor guy (or gal) would be left to think about their baby girl in a way that they probably weren't ready to and deal with the whole world talking about it....Harsh man!

The thought comes to mind that early education in sexuality should include a talk about when where and whom to tell your joyous information to. We all should be aware that our children are going to have sex at some point. We all also know that we really really don't want to know about it.

Which brings me to another thought. Grown-ups and youth alike need to be thinking in real terms about what information they don't want to live with knowing. Conversations about what you don't want to know are eversomuch easier than the cold, uncomfortable conversations that come when you find out something that is forever emblazoned in your brain that even Bon Ami won't remove. Talk to your kids early, ahead of time. Tell them your ideals, let them know you are aware they may have different ones, but let them know it's okay for you not to know something. And maybe more importantly, really okay for your buisiness associates, extended family and potential bosses, clients,etc. not to know.

And above all let them know some things should go the old route, word of mouth, not text, video, blog or all of the above. Nobody wants to see their daughter on "Girls gone wild."