Staying grounded as a therapist

As a therapist who has is hand in many projects, wears many hats and being actively involved in his family and marriage it has been a struggle at times to remain balanced. As we know in our practice it life events and stressors can through you curve ball after curve ball. Some of those I might add are difficult to duck out of the way of and as a result you end up with a black eye or some memory loss (if you know what I'm saying). Over the past several years I've been wrestling with how to manage all that is on my plate. Through trial and error I've discovered what has worked and what has not worked. The ones that haven't worked seen to stand out more than others. For good reason. They were painful. Emotional pain is a great reminder of what not to do again. It stamps that memory in our brains very well. But I'd like to share some thoughts and actions that help to keep me balanced and help me to be a better therapist.

First and foremost I find it important to know your priorities in life. You know, the big ones. The ones that matter. The ones that you may take with you for all eternity. And for me it is my family. Having 5 kids with an amazing wife is a top priority for me. This is what takes precedent for me. I will drop everything else to see to the needs of my family. This includes my relationship with my wife. You know, your companion that you will be with once all of your kids are gone.

Next is my spirituality. I'm keeping it this broad because every one's spirituality is unique to their own belief system. Mine just happens to be intertwined with my family. My spiritual practice provides me a scaffolding for who I am as a person and how how I live my life. I work very hard to live my religion daily no matter how difficult it may be at times. Let me make it clear that I am not perfect. My spiritual progression is most definitely a process. With ups and downs, clarity and confusion and sometimes all of that at once.

Another important factor in maintaining balance for me is my connection to my place on this Earth and in this universe. I've had the opportunity to have been raised in both the city and out in "the sticks". I've enjoyed both and both have their advantages. However, it was my experience in the wilderness that has had one of the most profound influence in my life in keeping me connected to the "life force". It humbles you to be out in the wilderness. It becomes abundantly clear, rather quickly, that you are vulnerable and that there are bigger forces at play in your life compared to paying your mortgage or acing a test. If you are not paying attention to the subtle and not so subtle cues around you you may be in big trouble. Like life ending trouble. Being out in the wilderness forces you to be mindful of your need to survive. This just happens to heighten all of your senses. Your hearing, sight, tactile and old factory systems kick into overdrive. You will find that being in the "grind" of the every day "have tos" of societal life stand in stark contrast to what your senses are doing when you are out of that element and in the wild. In addition, when you are out in the sticks, alone, you are with yourself. It's you and your thoughts and feelings. A person can do some deep and significant personal work when you are alone in the elements. The B.S. I tend to give myself seems to subside and the self talk gets real when I'm out there.

I don't think that a simple day hike will do it. I recommend a weekend if possible. That way you get the other aspect of this experience that is important as well. Star Gazing. When you are away from the light pollution that is a consequence of city life you become aware of your place in the universe. Yes you may feel small and insignificant but don't let that stick. Keep in mind that there is a bigger picture here. We are living on a pail blue dot in the universe. A unique and special place that has afforded the magic of life. A sacred existence. And you have a place in it. You have a purpose in it. When I contemplate this it reinforces the incredible significance of my work with others on this planet. What a feeling! Looking up at the cosmos has the added benefit of slowing me down. And when I slow down I see more, hear more, feel more and experience more. The multitudes of distractions that living life in our society provides are minimized.

These are some of the things that I feel make me a better therapist when I bring them back with me to my practice and integrate them into my being. Don't under estimate the power and effect of the use of your self and its impact on the clients you work with. It's not all about techniques and book knowledge. Silence, presence and feeling are equally, if not more important than techniques and book knowledge when it comes to your practice. So take some time. Prepare for a mindful experience out in our great outdoors every so often. You may be surprised what you discover.